Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dear God, why do You give me all these test to me? I'm not strong enough to face them. Besides, I'm only 16. I'm still young and immature. How can You expect me to pass these tests? I know You are the all-knowing God, but why me? Why did You pick me? I wish I know the answer. I'm not as strong and tough as You think I am. I'm pretty sure You're aware of that. I know all these years You are testing me. I know. But I can't go on like this anymore. I can't shove all these pain and sufferings down my throat any longer. I can't go through my days pretending that I'm okay. I can't go on bottling up all these stuffs I've been through. You can clearly see that right? It gets harder every day. Do you realize that? I know. Who am I to speak to You like this, but I really can't take it no more. I don't want to feel the way I feel now. I don't want to struggle in living each day. I don't wanna feel like crying all the time. I want to be normal like any other kid. I wish to live a carefree life like other teens my age did. I wish to be happy. I want to be free from all the hows and whys. I want all of these to stop. I want to be just an ordinary girl. Just that simple. I don't wanna go back to being the old me. I don't want to be that girl again. That girl who causes physical pain to herself to cover the emotional pain she's been living with. Please no. Why am I experiencing something that I shouldn't experience in my tender age? Lord, if You are Love, why can't I feel You? Why do I have to struggle while others don't? What have I did in my past lives that made me deserve this? When did my life started to go wrong? Why? Why? Tell me.. why?
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